Well “Viewing things from a different perspective” means several different things to me at the moment. I will touch on some of them in the post, although not all. Some things still need to stay mine for now.
As you have probably gathered by now, this post isn’t going to be entirely about photography. I apologise in advance if this turns into random rambling, but it is a blog, my blog, and I think I’m allowed to use it as such every so often.
Photography
I mentioned in my last post that I hadn’t used my DSLR in a couple of years, well I have finally picked it up again and started taking photographs! I am enjoying remembering old techniques and becoming “one with the camera” again. Processing images is also something I still find therapeutic.
It has been a while though and I have changed. This is where some of that “viewing things from a different perspective” comes in. I see things and capture them differently to others, this is both a physical thing and mental. On the purely physical front I’m capturing images from what would be waist height on a “normal” person. The camera is also attached to my wheelchair, so it’s like having a tripod for every shot. This comes with some disadvantages such as not being able to quickly aim, focus and snap. But on the flip side my shots are steady, with no motion blur to worry about. I can more easily use long shutter speeds too. I’ve been told that this low down perspective also makes some of my photos have a unique look.
In the past I have always enjoyed taking photographs of nature and animals, liked bright colours and HDR photography. This seems to be changing. I’m not looking at those photos now and going “wow, I did a great job there”. They aren’t giving as much pleasure. I still really like getting out in nature, don’t get me wrong, that experience now seems to be more separated from my photography though.
The photographs of mine that now make me go “wow, I like that!” are the black and white, urban ones. Maybe I’m finally finding my style, with a different perspective. Maybe they just mesh with my current emotional and mental state, or maybe it’s nothing.
Myself
I’m always seeing this world in a way that makes me have to look up to others. I think there may be a metaphor or two in there, and maybe a comment on society, but let’s not get into that. Viewing the world that way for most of my life must also have some mental impact. Maybe some of that is coming through in my photography now too, I hope so.
I have always tried to be as normal as possible in my life. I went to a normal school and university, live in a flat and not an assisted living environment. I’ve tried to never use my condition to give me an advantage over others, I cherish what independence I have and I fight for it. But I’m not normal, which really hurts at times. So if my photography actually benefits from my genetic mutation, then, by viewing things from a different pespective, it could be a small way of me accepting that part of myself as positive. Rather than it being a failure of mine.
Life
I don’t want to get too dark here, but I don’t like my life at the moment. I’m not saying there aren’t good things, or good people in it, there are. I’m also not saying I want it over, the things I fought to overcome last year prove that. But I’m not happy.
Some say happiness is a choice, maybe it is, I can’t find it though. I don’t even know what it looks like anymore. I’m not going into that either, I don’t want this to be a self-pitying post.
My point is that I am looking at some parts of my life in a different way and can see some things are very wrong. I can’t change everything, but looking at the big picture there are things that must change, even if they seem impossible. So the new perspective here is not setting some end goal like I usually do, but just pushing for what is right.
My Brain
There are other things I’m also seeing differently and trying to process. Some of these come from being part of a psychosocial working group. The group’s aim is to improve standards of care for those with Duchenne. It is made up of an incredibly talented and passionate group of people, who always respect my small contributions. I am proud to be a part of it and really want to help improve things for future generations.
I am learning a lot from this working group about psychosocial issues, Duchenne and unexpectedly myself. This isn’t all easy. The document above is great and highlights some things around how it’s not just muscles that can be affected by Duchenne, but also the brain.
I’m not sure it ever hit home before now, maybe I didn’t know, maybe it was denial, or maybe I’m seeing things in myself that aren’t there. But this different perspective isn’t something I’m finding easy. I look back and see that some of the things I thought were just me, like being shy, unsociable, a loner and a geek, may actually have been due to Duchenne. I also see some of the struggles I had, and how people handled them, and realise that I was failed. Nobody is to blame, it was a completely different era and the link to behaviour and the brain weren’t even known. But I still have to process it all.
This also reinforces to me why I give my time and energy to these groups I volunteer with though. Changes and education are needed, and I want to help others by pushing for that.
Back to Photography
I wanted to end this post on a more positive note after all that. So here goes.
Care is improving, it’s still not perfect, but it’s improving. I am getting out more and my stamina has improved a lot. On Monday I went to Guy’s hospital for a dental appointment in my wheelchair, rather than on a stretcher in an ambulance like the previous three hospital visits. I got up at 6am, was in my chair by 7am and got back into bed at 7:30pm, so a long day, but I didn’t feel too ill, or exhausted ,by the end of it. Definitely progress.
We also got to wander around London for a bit before heading home. I keep saying this, but I really do like the city, and the people in it. Yet again I felt welcome and was treated with respect, for a short while I didn’t feel like a complete outsider.
One experience that sums it up pretty well is this one. Near the end of the day I was on the Millennium bridge trying to get a shot of St. Paul’s Cathedral, a little girl walks in front of me and turns around, usually this would be the point where a child stares, or says “what’s that?”. That didn’t happen though, she just saw a person with a camera and danced along the bridge smiling and trying to get into my shots. It was really touching.
I feel like I’m finding my feet again with photography and actually beginning to believe I might be good at it, there’s that different perspective again. So if you want to see some more of my work I’ve made a gallery for 2023.
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